One Year Ago

One year ago today I was packing up and cleaning my beloved home in Provo. To say I was an emotional wreck would be an understatement. I was beyond devastated and my heart felt like someone I loved had just died. I unconsciously dragged out the entire process, delaying the inevitable: the moment when I would have to get into the car, turn it to the east and drive 1100 miles away. At one point in the afternoon our good friend came to take our fish. I knew the fish wouldn’t survive the drive and they graciously offered to provide a home for our pets. When he took them it was just one more goodbye we didn’t want to make and we cried even though they were “just fish”. One year ago today was a horrible day.

One year ago I started over in a house I had never seen before, in a city I didn’t know. Sunday came and I dreaded it. Sunday was the day when we usually had gone to my parent’s house for a wonderful dinner and fun evening with my family and I was dreading a lonely evening in a house that still didn’t feel like home. Despite my heartache, homesickness and loss of direction, I knew the Lord was watching out for us. That first Sunday in our new ward the members rushed to greet us and I am sure nearly every person in the ward came up to welcome us. I was relieved to be in a place that seemed to want us. That afternoon the elder’s quorum president called and invited us to dinner and we eagerly accepted. We were blessed to spend the evening with 3 wonderful couples who have since become dear friends. That night was the beginning of healing.

The next Sunday I was called to be in the Young Women’s Presidency and another piece of my heart was healed. I was given a calling where I was able to be spend time with wonderful ladies while serving some amazing girls. Just knowing I had a job to do was a blessing.

Gradually we began to discover the joys and beauty of Kansas City. We found the huge Irish Festival, the incredible Renaissance Festival and the Nelson-Atkins with its free admission to view masterpieces by Van Gogh, Monet and others. We discovered Fall and the crisp autumn perfectness that results in tasty apple cider and gorgeous trees of orange and red.

Slowly we began to appreciate what self-reliance and independence really means, being too far away for my dad to fix anything. Alexander and I have also grown closer and more co-dependent than we previously had been (if that is even possible). Godiva has become more entrenched as a member of our family and I am convinced that she adds a whole new level of comfort that we desperately needed.
Alexander has found his niche and is performing better than expected in school. We have high hopes and expectations for the future and we know that he can accomplish anything he puts his mind to.

The miracles keep coming and our faith in the Lord is being tested and strengthened every day. One year from last year we have grown and stretched ourselves beyond what we thought we could. Our eyes are open to the daily miracles we receive and our hearts have found room to love Kansas City like we love our home in Provo.
One year down, the rest of our lives to go.

Busywork

Despite life not going quite the way I planned with getting a job and making lots of money, I have been keeping myself busy. The young women presidency was released but I was re-called to be the 2nd counselor again. I was pretty happy about that as I have really enjoyed my Beehives. They are so much fun to be with and they say the funniest things. Here are some of the things we have been doing recently:

Making Babysitting Kits: Actually, I feel like I may have taken too much on with this idea. I spent a lot of time typing up different forms and info sheets. I also painted the girls' names on their bags and created some foam stick puppets as an example of the craft we were doing to include in their kit. That night was a lot of fun and I relived a lot of my own babysitting memories that had been stashed away since I was a teenager.

(The stuff on the bags that looks like dust, is actually silver glitter.)






Tomorrow night we are painting simple pictures with acrylics. This is the example painting that I made to help fuel their ideas and to make sure the girls could do it in less than an hour:



Along with all the church calling stuff, I have also decided to bring a piece of the wedding business out here and see how it does. I am starting a chocolate fountain catering business and I have found some awesome kitchen space to rent. I am really excited about it, as I don't have that much competition. I just made the website live last week and am working on marketing strategies right now. You can check it out at: Elegantly Edible.

I have also been cooking a ton. Mostly to save money, but also because I have the time to do it. I've been working on some of our favorites and perfecting the recipes. I have created the most awesome chicken enchiladas ever and am working on some other new recipes. For Valentine's Day I decided to surprise Alexander by making his favorite German food. I made homemade spaetzle(cute little noodles) which he adores and costs a lot to buy at the store. The noodles were perfect! I was so proud of myself. I also made bratwurst and German potato salad. Here is a pic of Alexander's plate:



I also resurrected my Asian cooking and made my famous Thai red curry and some chicken tikka masala,served with basmati rice:



Last but not least, this juicy pot roast, complete with steamed carrots, roasted red potatoes, and divine white asparagus, served with a homemade gravy. I have to admit, I was in Sunday dinner heaven ;).


I've made a lot of other things, but I won't bore you to death with a play-by-play of our eating habits. Tonight I am making a green chili chicken salad that is an attempt to copy Bajio's salad (which we don't have out here). It's not exactly the same, but it does help quell my cravings.

I'm still applying for lots of jobs, and crossing my fingers that by some miracle one is offered to me. There is some potential with someone in the ward who is pushing the prestigious Nelson Atkins Museum to hire me, so hopefully that pans out. I would love working there! In the meantime, we welcome any prayers and extra cash you can give. Just kidding about the cash, the prayers would be nice though.

Alexander is doing an amazing job in school and is constantly impressing his professors. He is becoming known as an excellent scholar and has been excelling in all his classes, despite people saying that he has too heavy a load. I keep telling him that he has to get all A's so that he can get a high paying job and take me to Europe. I think he owes me ;).

Week #2: Adjusting

This past week was one of figuring out our place here in Kansas City. Now that the house was mostly arranged, I was able to focus on different things, like yelling at the city for not picking up our garbage, again, and feeding the missionaries.

Earlier in the week we accidentally found the public library near our home, so we went in and got ourselves library cards and I found two books for me to read and keep me from getting bored (just so you know, I haven't had time to start either one yet).

On Wednesday night I decided it was time for me to update my highlights. I didn't know a good stylist or have any idea where to go, so I decided I could figure it out by myself. I put it in my hair very carefully, making sure they all aligned correctly with my previous highlights. I waited the appropriate amount of time and then washed them out. When I looked into the mirror I nearly screamed as my hair was not the perky blonde on the box, but instead a putrid orange. I will admit that I cried. The next day I dyed my hair brown and it worked to cover the mess nicely. It was time for a change anyway.



On Friday we took the dog out for a stroll at a park about 10 minutes away from our home. This park is in a lovely part of town, with huge antebellum homes that were part of the Underground Railroad. The park was actually the site of the Battle of Westport, the last major battle of the Civil War west of the Mississippi. This was the first Civil War battleground I have visited and we had a fun time reading the markers explaining the battle and where the lines were. Godiva had fun running around and being scared of the huge geese in the pond.

At the park:





Friday night we fed the missionaries for the first time in our married life. I was channeling my mother's craziness as I hurried to clean the house and the car and fix the meal so that we could pick them up on time and make sure they were adequately fed. Somehow, in the mix of it all, I totally destroyed the dessert. I made brownies with marshmallows on top, but the brownies didn't cook evenly and the marshmallows burned on the half that was done. The other half of the brownies was literally runny fudge. I didn't realize my predicament until it was time for me to serve dessert. Obviously, I couldn't feed that to my guests, and I freaked out! Suddenly, I remembered that when my siblings were here, they had made brownie cakes (called that cause they ended up fluffier than normal brownies). I pulled them out of the fridge, heated them up in the microwave, scooped some of the melted marshmallows onto the top and served them with ice cream. Not even Alexander realized what I had done! So, thanks Natalie for totally saving my bacon, err, brownies. ;)

On Saturday, Alexander and I went to the Kansas City Irish Fest. It's the 3rd largest in the country and once we arrived we knew why. The festival was HUGE! It was in the courtyard of the Crown Center and at least 4 additional city blocks. It had 8 stages with different kinds of musicians playing at each one all day long and set up so carefully that you could only hear one of the stages at any given time, despite how close some of them were to each other.

They colored all the water in all the fountains green:



There were tons of vendors selling all sorts of wonderful things. We got really excited about the British grocery store that was selling all our favorite British foods and candies like Fruit Pastilles and Lemon soda (both my personal faves)! Good thing we didn't eat lunch before we went because there were dozens of food vendors and luckily for me they were selling meat pies and Scotch eggs and Alexander filled himself up with a sausage roll and fish and chips. Yummy! I would wager that the food rivaled what I ate in England, and was maybe even better.

Alexander thought he would be funny and wear his Scotland shirt. However, originally the word 'Scotland' meant land of the Irish.



On Sunday I was told I had been in the ward too long to not have a calling. Since it hasn't been announced yet, I won't tell you what it is until next Sunday. I will tell you that I was surprised and excited. :)

Don't forget to continue down to the previous post to see pics of my home. :)

Pictures of the House

Some people have been requesting to see pictures of my home, so I have included some pics of the rooms that are finished to quench your curiosity. Sadly, the bedroom, study, and back bathroom still look like a disaster so I don't have pics of those yet.

The Living Room, looking in from the dining room:


Looking in from the front door:




The Dining Room, looking in from the living room:





Today I made this floral arrangement, so now this and a green tablecloth sit on the dining room table:



Kitchen, looking in from the dining room (if you look carefully, you can see my laundry room and back door through the kitchen):








The Guest Bedroom:



My Craft Corner in the Guest Room:

/>

Our Front Bathroom (we actually shower in this one, but I do my hair and makeup in the back one cause the humidity gets so crazy). This bathroom is between 2 bedrooms (the guest room and the study) so it has two entrances:







Let me know what you think of the place. :) Tomorrow I will give an update of this past week's adventures.

Mid-Metamorphosis

Metamorphosis: a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism. We are in the middle, waiting to see what we become.

One week and counting and I am starting to get a tad panicky. I reserved our rental truck and bought plane tickets back to Utah for our moving helpers, so that's good. However, I still don't have a job (no one has even called me about all the ones I applied for, talk about a self-esteem crusher) and we don't even have a house to move into yet. Yikes! We are working with a real estate/property management agent who is sifting through the good neighborhoods for a decent place to live in our price range. He just called and it sounds like an extra miracle might be needed to get where we need to be.

My house is still a disaster and I seriously don't know how it will get all packed up. Why do we have so much stuff and where did it all come from?! I think I need to blame all those really nice people who gave us wedding presents.

On top of all those worries, I have two weddings to decorate this weekend. Yes, I know, you can say it out loud: I am a moron. Hopefully they go better than the one did last weekend (I almost ruined this girl's wedding day....for real).

Oh well. If nothing else, my life will be really interesting for the next few weeks.

Yay Me!

I just needed to share a personal, yet major, accomplishment with all of you. I have been doing my own taxes (with the help of some software) since I was 18. In the past it only took a short amount of time to fill them out, submit them and then rack in the refunds. Last year was a tiny bit more difficult with the addition of the wedding business, but since we didn't make much money, taxes weren't really much of an issue.

This time around, however, I am pleased to announce that Elegantly Expressed had a great year in 2009 and we surprisingly made some money. I did not wish to pay more in taxes than I actually made though. Therefore, I spent upwards of 14 hours (2 whole Saturdays!) working on paper work, sorting receipts, adding up utility bills, calculating miles, etc. I then spent a couple more hours putting all the data into itemized deductions. In the end, I am pleased that my efforts paid off and I am actually receiving a small refund.

When I hit the submit button I was so proud of myself! I couldn't believe that I had waded through the financial wording and 30,000 documents to really succeed in doing my own taxes! I felt like this was a major big deal for the girl who nearly flunked pre-calculus in high school. Plus, it gave me hope that I might actually be capable of owning my own business.

I now understand what I am up against and have started a system to make it easier on myself next year. I am organizing my expenses differently and starting a new spreadsheet before the crazy summer hits and hopefully next year things will work out even better!

I don't usually pat myself on the back, but this time I can't help it. YAY ME!

Silly Anna

Alexander always says, "Silly Anna, Trix are for kids". Despite this or maybe because of it, I had Fruity Swirl Trix for breakfast yesterday.

---

Just last week we got TV back in our house again after it had been absent for about 6 months and already I have a confession to make.

I stay up late to watch............. PBS Sprout. That's right, I watch TV for toddlers. Some of you may be thinking that it isn't so weird, that you watch it too. However, I am willing to wager that 100% of you are moms of toddlers.

Last night I had every intention to go to bed early. However, my husband turned on the TV and I ended up watching "The Goodnight Show" with singing muppets and British cartoons. I was enthralled. Apparently, when I am tired, I have the same mentality as a three year-old (coincidentally, Alexander has been teasing me about this for years). Anyway, my new favorite cartoons are Kipper (I love the baby pig, "Ahnold") and Noddy (I would love it more if the British accents hadn't been dubbed over by dumb American accents).

I think the moral of the story is that when you are buying me a birthday present this year but don't know what I would like, just ask yourself if a three year old would like it. If the answer is yes, then you can be pretty certain that I will probably adore it :)

A Little Too Eager

This morning I woke up and looked at the clock, saw that it was 7:30 and freaked out that my alarm didn't go off. I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom to get ready for work. After getting half ready and as I was just finishing up my hair, I remembered that I was supposed to wake Alexander up so that the cable guy could come at 8:00 to fix our TV (we haven't had TV for 6 months). So I ran in the bedroom and yelled "Wake up! You have to get up and shower!"

"What? Not right now!"

I looked at the clock so I could tell him exactly how many minutes he didn't have to shower and saw that it was still the middle of the night. What? I was stumped. I guess I was just a little too eager to get up for work today. I just stood there in shock for a moment before I decided that I didn't want to be up that early and I got back in bed.

Seriously, I can't figure out how my eyes and brain did not communicate with each other. I could swear the clock said 7:30 when I woke up. I was happy for the "extra" sleep, but I did not appreciate fixing my hair twice this morning.

Deborah

Last Saturday I broke all my own rules and expectations and went with some of my co-workers to participate in the Rex Lee Run. This is a 5k/10k run/walk fundraiser that raises money for cancer research. Participants are also welcome to contribute extra in the name of a cancer victim or survivor and wear their name in the race.

I have never participated in a 5k before, not even walking. It goes against my most firmly held belief that other people don't want to see me exercise. However, since I have broken this rule quite consistently lately by attending my aerobic classes I figured I could walk a couple miles. No sweat, right? Well...mostly. I forgot my ankle brace and thus ended up slowing my very nice friends down. I did surprising well without the brace, but I was sore later.

My real motivation in doing the race was for my husband and honoring his mother in the race. I know a lot of wonderful people that I could have honored instead, but I felt they would understand.

Alexander's mother was Deborah Alvord Strub. She was an extremely accomplished classically trained operatic soprano and had a double master's from ASU in music and pedagogy.

After finishing at ASU, she traveled to England for four years to study voice under a very famous instructor. One night she preformed at the Hyde Park Chapel and was so outstanding that a certain young man, Peter, in the audience couldn't leave without speaking to her. Peter courted her the rest of the time she was in England but she was forced to leave when her visa expired. Distraught that he hadn't proposed while she was still there, Peter proposed to Deborah in a letter and mailed it to Arizona where she was staying with her family. When the letter arrived her family tried to convince her not to open it (they were afraid he would break her heart again). However, she did open it and accepted his proposal. He then came to the US to marry her.

Soon after they were married they had Alexander and then 6 years after that, Sebastian. Deborah was a devoted mother who magnified her talents as a voice instructor in the community as well as an organist and choir director in her church for many years.

When Alexander was a teenager she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, an incredibly painful and incurable disease. It starts as a tumor with no symptoms and by the time symptoms have developed enough for it to be found, it is usually too late for survival. Because of this, 95% of individuals diagnosed with pancreatic cancer will die within 5 years.

Deborah fought a brave battle, undergoing all sorts of treatments to stave off the inevitable. Regardless of her illness, she encouraged Alexander to go on a mission and so he left in October 2001. He was blessed to be serving in the Salt Lake City mission under Pres. Richard Hinckley (son of Gordon B. Hinckley). When his mother was very close to the end of her life, Alexander was given the special option to spend a few days with her living or to attend her funeral. He chose to see her and was quickly sent down to spend a few days with his family. His mother was so proud of her missionary and only lamented that she hadn't had time to teach him how to be a good husband.

What Deborah may not have realized is that with her entire life she taught her sons how to be great men. She infused Alexander with her love of music and family and taught him kindness, sincerity, humility, and compassion. She also encouraged him to go after his dreams and to take advantage of the wonderful things life has to offer. She taught him true forgiveness and repentance as she spent many months praying so that she would be ready to face the next step in her progression after death. Of course, with all of these wonderful traits, Alexander didn't need to be taught how to be a good husband, he was already great.

Deborah passed away on February 4, 2002 after battling cancer for more than 2 years. She left this earth too early for me to ever meet her, but I imagine that we would have been wonderful friends and that she would have helped me continue my own pursuits by teaching me voice and piano. I think the best compliment Alexander has ever given me is, "My mother would have really liked you". The first time I met Alexander's grandmother she played a recording of Deborah singing "O Divine Redeemer". I've never heard it's equal and it brought tears to my eyes.

So Deborah, in the time between now and when I meet you face to face, I promise to take care of your boy, Alexander, and to love him as much as you would have wished. The best way for me to honor your memory is to love those that you loved and to take care of them when you can't. I pray I can live up to the task.

To Kiss and Tell

There has been quite a bit activity in my family regarding boyfriends, girlfriends, and dating in general. The biggest gossip concerns my youngest sister who has a new "boyfriend-ish guy" and had her first kiss this week.

When I talked with Nattie about her first kiss, I asked her how it was, did he have bad breath, were his lips chapped, was he sloppy? It was immediately obvious that I had kissed some losers in the past. I loved her answer though, so typical of the first kiss la-la land, "It was really good. I didn't notice anything else."

I have had some first kiss drama myself. On high school graduation day, we had a big party, like most schools do. A boy I had been friends with and with whom I had gone on several dates was there. We spent a good hour just talking on the grass. As the night waned on, I was getting more tired, but also more giddy/crazy (think: teenager). My friends were watching us from a distance and this guy thought it would be funny to stage kiss and then pretend we had really kissed. I personally thought it would be funnier to actually kiss, but I didn't say that. So, because I was silly and wanted him to like me, I agreed. He made me promise not to tell my friends it was a fake. Looking back, I totally don't get why we did it. The next morning my friends were all gabbing about our kiss when my friend Mel pulled me aside, looked me in the eye, and said, "You are a liar." And because I'm not a very good liar, my secret was out.

My actual first kiss was when I was a sophomore in college. I was 19 and completely flattered by a guy I had been dating for about 2 weeks. After one of those long days at school, he walked me to my car and kissed me. I thought it was good at the time, but 2 weeks later I wished I had never kissed him.

I like the story of my husband's first kiss best. We were on our first date and had spent the entire afternoon and evening together. We had taken a walk around campus and had ended up sitting on the bench by the bell tower. Alexander was sharing his heartache about his mom and family and I was overwhelmed at some of the things I felt comfortable enough to share with him. At one point we grew quiet, his arm around me as he stared off into the valley of lights. Suddenly, he turned and kissed me right on the lips. I was surprised and I distinctly remember the thought crossing my mind, "Do I want to be kissing him? Yes, yes, I do!" When we pulled apart, he got a shy grin on his face and said, "Well, I've never done that before".

"What?" I asked, "Never kissed someone on a first date before?"

"No, I mean, I've never kissed a girl at all before". Frankly, I was flabbergasted because his kiss was really nice. Not sloppy, not too long or too short, no chapped lips or bad breath, just really nice. I think that's why I married him. ;)

I think I would like again to experience that rush of adrenaline, of surprise, glee, adoration, joy, and giddiness that comes to a girl the first time she kisses a man she really likes. While I love every single kiss my darling husband gives me, it doesn't carry the same feeling of miraculous anxiety that our first kiss together did.

This quote brings that feeling to life again:

I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night! ~Author Unknown

Wedding Planner: The person you pay to be stressed out for you

I have been MIA for the past few months. I did think about writing, and then I thought about how I had nothing to say.

Life is going about the same as always for us, busy and crazy. As can tell from the Elegantly Expressed blog, we have had a good amount of weddings. They have all turned out well, though some were more insane than others.

I have been getting more and more into the wedding planning aspect of things. It's much more difficult and requires an insane amount of patience, effort, organization, and time. As I am naturally rather bossy, it works out well. However, the wedding I did on Nov 27 was enough of a challenge to convince me that had I been a novice, I might have died.

For this particular wedding I was hired on towards the end of the planning process as a "day of coordinator". This means that the bride plans everything, gets all her vendors, and does most of it herself but hires someone to make sure everything runs smoothly that day. It usually involves some decoration, some floral design, and a lot of energy. I am truly convinced that this is much more difficult than if I have planned the entire wedding. Even though I'm hired for "one-day", I am not only working the wedding day, but also the whole week before to coordinate schedules with the florist, the cake decorator and the caterers and various other types of prep work.

This wedding day was sort of a mini disaster. I was in charge of decorating tables, chair sashes and overlays, and a chocolate fountain with all its yummy dipping foods. Everything I was supposed to do turned out awesome, but because I wasn't able to recommend my preferred vendors, the ones the bride contracted were sub-par and over-priced.

First case in point: the florist. This supposedly professional florist was paid very well for specific items and to deliver and set-up, but the week before, the florist claimed to not know she was supposed to deliver them. She was going out of town and it was impossible. Let's pause for a moment and discuss professional responsibility: IF YOU TAKE ON A WEDDING, YOU ARE BEING HIRED FOR THAT DAY! YOU SET IT ASIDE IN YOUR SCHEDULE. IF IT CONFLICTS WITH SOMETHING ELSE, DON'T TAKE THAT CLIENT! Okay, excuse my rant. I called the florist and informed her that the flowers would be delivered and I would be expecting them at 4:00. She could not refuse.

The flowers arrived at 4:00, delivered by the florist's sister who knew next to nothing of what she was doing. She expected me to put all the centerpieces together, but I didn't get paid for that nor did I have the time so I kindly asked her if she could take care of it. She spent the next hour on the phone as her sister walked her through everything she was supposed to do. I thought the flowers looked good (not knowing was was expected by the bride) and sent her on her way. Soon after, the mother of the bride arrived and promptly freaked out about the centerpieces. They were supposed to have 6 calla lilies in each of them. Instead, they had 3 callas and a huge bunch of bear grass. I explained that I would be happy to help if desired, but there was little I could do about missing flowers.

Ten minutes later I get called away from my current work again because there was no cake topper. They had ordered a cake topper of white flowers but the florist hadn't brought one. I had to create something for it so I rounded up a couple of spare flowers and created an elegant topper. I was actually amazed that it looked as good as it did.

The caterers in the kitchen had no idea what they were doing and had brought none of their own equipment. They kept asking me where various things were and if I had any of what they needed. That frustrated me because I was also catering the chocolate fountain portion and I always bring everything I will need with me. Then, they left early before everyone had a chance to eat and took all the food with them. I couldn't believe it.

Because this was a Hispanic wedding, a Mariachi band was hired, but the singer's mic was way too loud and he was always flat. I had a headache within minutes. Oh, and to top it all off, during the dancing, the DJ got super annoying by cutting out in the middle of EVERY song and making people sing a couple lines A Capella. I can understand the occasional YMCA, but after ten songs like this, it gets really old.

Despite the drama, the actual reception went really well. The mother of the bride was so pleased with my staff and I that she gave us a very large tip. However, the next morning I awoke with a very nasty cold, obviously the result of stress. Such is my life.

My next wedding is a bit of a risk for me in a number of ways, but we can discuss that later. In the meantime we will just cross our fingers. :)

Random Ramblings

Today I am sooo tired! I just want to crawl back into bed and cuddle with my sweet husband. There's no real reason for the tiredness, a sure sign I am getting old.
___________________________

Last night I went to a viewing of my Grandma's sister. It reminded me all over again why I avoid my father's side of the family. Oh, and as a side-note, I am so sick of my younger cousin being the favorite simply because she was stupid enough to get pregnant at 19 and has a little baby. While attempting to speak with my grandparents, my grandma ignored me and began to tell the woman next to her about her granddaughter who just had a baby. Ugh!
___________________________

I am in charge of the Elders Quorum activity (one of those wifely-support callings). I decided we will have a Halloween Carnival. I am in the process of trying to make it sound really fun so my family will help me... I am so pathetic...lol. However, the carnival should be fun, complete with cake walk, bean-bag toss, homemade skee ball, and anything else I can think of.
___________________________

Last Friday I had my performance review with my boss. She said that when I first applied for the job and came in for the interview the thing that stuck out most about me was how gracious I was. She said that I have an eloquence and grace that will allow me to conquer the world. I was astonished.
___________________________

One of my managers just gave me a white cheddar cheese puff to try. It was delicious! Yesterday he had us try little treats made of sesame seeds and honey. He just moved into the office across from me and I think I am beginning to like the arrangement. :)
___________________________

I am having a hard time with friends who can't hang out with me because they have homework. I have a couple of friends who went back to college after I had already graduated and I just can't get a handle on that. I feel like we should all be in the same place. However, this will probably never be the case. Eventually they will be done with homework, but I will be in Grad school and have my own homework. This is a bad cycle. Who needs homework anyway?
___________________________

I am wearing a scarf today, my first for the Fall/Winter 2009 season. It makes me feel trendy. :) To top that off, I also wore my new, white, wool coat to work. Pure Happiness! :)

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

Fortunately, it was Friday.

Unfortunately, I still had to go to work.

Fortunately, it didn't take me long to get ready.

Unfortunately, even though I had slept through the night, I was still exhausted.

Fortunately, I was able to lie down for a few minutes after getting ready.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep for 20 minutes.

Fortunately, I was able to walk down the stairs by myself.

Unfortunately, I didn't actually walk down the stairs by myself. I fell down half of the stairs and Alexander had to help me the rest of the way.

Fortunately, I didn't break anything or cry (out loud).

Unfortunately, it just convinced me that I really should have stayed in bed this morning. Some mornings are not meant to be spent out of bed.

Fortunately, my boss has been very nice about me being late this week (which has been nearly every day).

Unfortunately, I was already nearly an hour late for work.

Fortunately, I finally got to work and found no emails or phone calls waiting for me (it was a miracle!).

Unfortunately, I am at work.


Here's to hoping the weekend doesn't suck!

The Consequence of Being Stubborn

My husband has reminded me that I haven't actually taken the time to explain to everyone my current physical condition. I tried to explain that I did updated my status on Facebook, a lot, but he says Facebook doesn't count.

About a year ago (June 2008) I severely sprained my ankle running down my stairs (yay me!) and a week later jaunted off to England to promptly ruin it. After two weeks of walking on the hugely swollen appendage I essentially closed all possibilities of ever healing properly.

Fast forward a year to June 2009 when I decided enough was enough. I took myself to the orthopedic doctor and set out to correct my problems. He fussed about my flat feet, my swollen ankle, took x-rays, gave me a cortisone shot (so painful!) and orthopedic inserts and we waited. The ankle got worse.

Two weeks ago I got an MRI to see how bad the damage really was. On Monday, Aug 17, I went in to the doctor to discuss the results and they weren't very pretty. I had torn my anterior ligament and a cyst had formed. I also had a bone spur in an inconvenient location. He recommended immediate surgery. So on Wednesday, Aug 19, I went in early in the morning to get everything fixed.

Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck and my poor, sweet husband almost made me cry as they wheeled me to the operating room. It wasn't really a big deal, but it felt like it was. I woke up an hour later as they were wrapping my foot up in a very warm cast. I remember thinking how nice the anesthesiologist was as he acknowledged my awakening.

Turns out the damage was even worse than they had expected. The ligament was torn almost all the way through and was only being held together by a few "threads". Had we waited much longer I would have inevitability tripped doing something stupid and it would have torn completely apart. That would have been much worse.

I was kept in recovery for awhile as they tried to keep my breathing up. This was actually a valid concern as my body didn't feel the need to breath and my oxygen levels kept dropping. They finally released me to go home a few hours later.

I am doing much better now. I am able to get up and move around provided I have the support of crutches. I also was blessed to be able to borrow a wheelchair for those places where a lot of walking is necessary. I am still exhausted and sore but thankful to be off of the percocet which made me very ill. I have to keep the cast on for four more weeks and get it off on Sept 21. At that time I will finally be able to see if I have a cool scar.

Let this be a lesson to all of you who think that things will always heal themselves and that doctors are quacks. :)

Blue Tinted Glasses

Today I am sad. Maybe it's because my emotional well-being has been spliced together with the pain of my ankle. I'm not really sure. I would blame the pain meds, but I stopped taking them (my doctor is not pleased with this decision). I guess I just feel a bit like a loser.

I have always had a very high sense of self-worth. Usually this is a healthy thing, although I am sure that it has also allowed me to justify when I don't quite measure up on every scale. I have always felt like a very capable individual with lots of talent and potential. However, very rarely, I sometimes feel like a big failure, like all the potential I had was wasted and thrown out the window with the dishwater. This is how I am feeling today.

I started thinking about all the things I have succeeded at and then how I was able to screw each one up horrendously. Like, for example, today we had a salsa competition at work. Not really a big deal, more like a game than anything. However, I really needed a win in my court. I tried to create something unique, something that my co-workers wouldn't be able to deny voting for. The result was strawberry salsa and it wasn't half bad. People even seemed to like it. However, the same guy that won last year won again this year. Typical. Not a big deal, and yet...

I used to be a co-host on a game themed podcast. I loved it! I was awesome and funny and the listeners liked me. And then I got in a rather serious disagreement with the director. I was hurt, offended, and belittled. I couldn't think of ever returning to do the show with him, so I quit. That was a month ago. Today all I can think about is how much I loved what I did and how fun it was. I miss it. Missing things makes me cry.

A couple of weeks ago I attended a luncheon at a conference my work was holding for master trainers. I couldn't help but notice the conference planner scurrying around, making sure everything was ready and perfect. I used to be the one planning conferences and scurrying around. I also left that job of my own volition. Granted, I had a good reason, but I was reminded by how much I truly enjoyed being in charge of everything for a "live event". My current job has me still planning events, but they are nation-wide trainings and I never get to be on-site. So I miss being a conference planner too.

Today I am even sad for things I have never had as an adult like a backyard, children, a puppy, a pussy-willow kitten face kitten, and a master's degree.

I hope you understand that this is not my usual state of being, that I am not always down and depressed. However, writing is cathartic for me and so it seems that when my emotions differ from my usual sunshine outlook I need to write them down. Because this blog is my space to do that you may see more of the sadness than the sunshine.

Tomorrow I will probably be back to "normal" and the foolish tears will be gone but for now I am sad and I guess that's okay.

Current Emotions

No matter how old I get, it's always hard for me to endure the disappointment that comes from expecting and wanting something so badly, only to find that no matter what you do, you can't have it. Even as an adult, this is difficult. Or maybe, ESPECIALLY as an adult, because I fully recognize the sort of dwindling hope I still have and consequently I have to consciously buoy it up in order to save myself from total despair.

This is made even more unbearable by the realization that what I want is something so many other people have. Something that can be easy to obtain for others, but is seemingly impossible for me.

I feel very vulnerable and inadequate. As I am a firm believer in God and the role he plays in my life, I have to believe that there is a reason for my requests to be denied or postponed. However, I don't know the reason and I feel instead unworthy, not good enough to receive my heart-felt desires. Faith argues to be strong, to wait it out. The natural man inside of me struggles, fighting with logic and asking how long I should wait and why no one has explained it to me.

In a few minutes I will put my smile back on and pretend I have no worries, no sorrows, and no lingering self-doubts, because I have to. I have to keep going, to endure it well.

**Note: This post is not intended to evoke pity or sorrow from the reader, rather it is a self-exploration of emotion. To understand myself better and thus continue to carry on as I have for so long now.

Introducing: The Wedding Planner

*I apologize in advance for the long post*

Let me tell you about my job. Not my full-time Corporate Event Coordinator job, but my "part-time" wedding planner job. I have recently been accused of doing a job that "anyone can do" and of being a "cultural hall decorator" (which was said disdainfully and thus I take to mean that they think I have low quality decorations and no taste). In this post I hope to be able to enlighten my friends and family about what I am actually committing to when I take on a client. Hopefully I don't bore you to death with the tedious details. My job is a lot more complicated than simply putting up Christmas lights in a cultural hall.

I love, absolutely love, being a wedding planner/decorator. It has become a major passion in my life. My absolute goal is to always make the wedding better than the bride imagined it would be. Sometimes I am limited by the bride herself, but I strive nonetheless. If some of the weddings I have done are less than perfection it is only because I have been restrained by clients with small budgets and low expectations. I get giddy when a bride leaves a consultation really excited for her wedding. It means that I have done my job right and am earning my paycheck.

I have discovered that in order to be good at my job, I need to be really in-tune with my perceptive skills.

Before each consultation I take a careful study of what outfit I should wear. Because I have already figured out what kind of a person they are, I try to dress in a way that will gain the confidence and respect of my potential client (a consultation is simply a long, fancy advertisement to convince people to "buy my product"). I can tell when some brides want an over-the-top planner, like the ones they see on TV, and so I dress in classy (expensive-looking) black with modern accents. Some brides are shy and afraid of being intimidated. These people I try to connect with on a friend level and will wear trouser jeans with a hip blouse and dangling earrings.

Between the time I first talk to them on the phone and when we meet for a consultation, I need to have already developed a sense of who they are and what they want. In most cases I have only talked to them for about 10 minutes on the phone before they show up at my house. However, 8 out of 10 times I know which backdrop they will love and choose before showing them a single picture. I judge how well I am doing by how many pictures I need to show them during a consultation.

This is all before they even sign a contract! Getting a client to sign and commit is the number one, hardest part of the job but once it's signed, we celebrate. Getting a sale is cause for celebration for anyone in this tough economy.

With a signed contract and deposit in hand, I then proceed to buy the most expensive looking materials for the cheapest price. I am a highly-valued club member of Roberts, Michael's, and JoAnn's. I always shop with a 40-50% off coupon in my hand and at Robert's the cashiers know me as "the wedding decorator". I roam up and down aisles that I have been up and down dozens of times, trying to get my mind to work up a better way to make something new. At Michael's the staff now know that I'm not lost and that I will probably bug them about getting in 15 vases when they only have 2 in stock.

The week before a wedding I go crazy. Literally. I have 3 different lists and my work load ranges between 3-15 hours of last minute projects. If I am lucky the boxes are loaded, in the car with minutes to spare before driving at break-neck speeds to get to the venue on time. Once we are at the venue things are great if it is only me and my crew there. If family or (heaven-forbid) the bride herself is there, the stress level jumps about 10 notches. The average wedding takes about 3 hours to set-up, despite the fact that we run everywhere we go and I have 3 helpers. It just takes a lot of time. Sadly, about 2 hours of that I am standing on a ladder with my arms above my head trying not to poke wire underneath my fingernails.

Once the wedding is set-up I breathe a sigh of relief and pray nobody touches anything until I return that evening. I have been known to seriously lose my cool if I return to clean up and find tablecloths on the floor and LED lights missing. I just remembered that I forgot to include that clause on my contract: "Everything stays where it is until Elegantly Expressed returns to clean up that evening. I don't care if you ended 2 hours earlier than you thought, that is not my problem. You will sit and wait until I arrive before you even THINK of touching a table or a pillar."

Each wedding I do brings an immense satisfaction. I love being a part of the most important day in most couple's lives. It is a blessing to be able to contribute to their happiness.

So thanks for those of you who support me with encouraging words and positive comments. And those of you who think I am an amateur? Please tell me if you find anyone more devoted to their job than I am.

2009 is Out of the Gate and Running at Full Speed!

I just realized that it has been forever since I have posted anything here so I've decided to tell you that I am exhausted. For some reason I just can't get my act together. Oh well.

Do you ever feel guilty about reading blogs of people you don't know? For example, maybe you click on your friend's blog, and they have a link to someone else's blog and even though you don't know them you read it anyway, cause you are bored? Sometimes I do that. And then I feel bad. However, I am totally addicted to somebody's blog and I don't even know them. It's like their life is the most interesting soap opera and I have to catch all the episodes. I think I must be so lame.

I have a wedding coming up this weekend. I'm not doing very much for it because they are having a carnival reception. Popcorn, cotton-candy, and those little games; my mom would have killed me if I had done that for my wedding. Really all I am doing is providing a nacho cheese fountain. Apparently this is the latest rage, but it sounds a little unappetizing to me, or maybe I don't like it because I know that by the end of the night I will be covered in the stuff. Just so you know, I also think chocolate is disgusting due to the excessive work I have done with my chocolate fountains. The very smell of melty chocolate makes me ill. I'm glad that so many other people like it though, I need the business.

The Bridal Fair is coming up in a few weeks. My booth will look beyond awesome! My colors are a bright pear green and robins egg/light teal. It is totally modern, chic, and adorable for spring! I am using white paper lanterns and creating a chandelier effect with them using colored LED lights. The show is on February 7th, you should all come and say hi :)

Other than all of that, my life is kept busy with job searches (if someone has a job for my husband, please let me know!), podcasts, convention planning, Elders Quorum activities (I am planning a Valentine's Dance!), and oh yeah, my full time job. I should really chill out a little more, but I know that's not going to happen anytime soon. ;)

While the Enemy Assaileth...

I have been having some rough times lately. We have been going through some trials that have really put us through the wringer. Doubt, fear, and anxiety have been plaguing my mind and I have often felt myself faltering with the emotional and physical weight I feel has been placed upon me. It seems that all the powers of darkness have assembled themselves at my door and are simply waiting for me to give up. Unfortunately, instead of rousing my courage and fighting, I have felt my faith failing me and leaving me in a pit of despair.

This morning I began speaking with a friend who is engaged to be married. She was filled with all the usual fears and anxieties that most people have when they are doing something new and risky. As I offered my famous anti-anxiety advise, I realized that perhaps I needed to hear this more than she did. The words that tumbled out of my mouth were exactly what I myself needed to hear. I was relating to her the time when I was also engaged, and the how hardships that I faced assured me that Satan was pulling from all sides to bring us down. I also explained how I reacted to these trials. Recalling these experiences, I was brought face to face with a time when my faith was much stronger. The words I spoke to her were not from the current Anna, but from a younger, more faithful Anna.

The words were a testimony I have always had but had recently forgotten.

"This is where your trust in God really counts though. The way I see it, God knows what the future will bring. I know that if we stick close to Him, He will make sure that we are okay, no matter what happens."

Hearing this, I felt that a prayer had been answered, that I wasn't left alone in the cold of the world, but that perhaps I had just turned my back to the warmth of Our Savior.

At this time when so many are engulfed in the fears and the uncertainties of the world around us, let us remember to keep the faith and know that miracles are still happening daily. Even the small miracle of remembering past assurances was enough to make this day easier to face.

Ich spreche Deutsch...just a little

I have a new challenge for myself! YAY!! I am learning German for my sweet German husband. Because I don't have a lot of free time, we have decided to kill two birds with one stone by reading the German Book of Mormon together every night. It takes me forever to read a verse and translate it, but I am learning. I am sort of proud of myself as I have been making progress even though we just started a couple nights ago.

I'd like to be able to speak it so that if/when I ever have children we can teach it to them so that they will truly be able to take advantage of their German heritage and citizenship. We are having fun doing it, and it feels good to be stretching my mental limits a little. Hopefully I will be able to keep it up. :)