Late Night Confessions

I am perfectly evil....and I think I'm okay with it. For some really selfish, absolutely sinful reason, I love to make other people think I am amazing. Okay, so it's sounds really bad when I say it (or write it) out loud, but inside my head it doesn't seem so bad.

I got a new calling on Sunday, Enrichment Leader. This was the calling I had right before I got married, and I always felt guilty that I didn't have the time to do more with it. I have now learned a valuable lesson: DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT MAGNIFYING YOUR CALLING OR ELSE YOU WILL BE CALLED TO IT AGAIN. Yup, so I get a second chance to be better, or something like that.

The problem with this calling is that as I said before, I have to trick everyone around into thinking I'm amazing. Some of my close friends, and my husband of course, know that I am in no way amazing, but my ward is easily fooled. This means that in the year I have lived here I have already set a precedence of 1) gourmet desserts; 2) a vast knowledge of history/politics/world events; 3) being able to make people laugh etc. The problems with people thinking these things are 1) 95% of the time I hate dessert and only make it for the Relief Society; 2) I learned everything I know from my brilliant husband and I just occasionally dip into his wealth of knowledge so people think I'm smart too; 3) I really am not funny and I talk too much.

Tonight was my first enrichment activity and I had to look like I was cool, so I made two desserts, a chocolate trifle and cream puffs and then I proceeded to try and make the people around me laugh while giving a presentation on how to do different kinds of makeup (I am NOT an expert on makeup). Needless to say, by the end of the night I was plum tuckered out.

Now the armature psychologist inside of me needs to pose some questions: Why must I try to be everything to everyone? Do I have a previously undetected self-esteem problem? Do I really have to try and be better than everyone else? The side of me that claims to have no problems won't answer any of the psychologist's questions which only makes my inner psychologist wonder if I am schizophrenic, but that's for another day. For now I don't know what my deal is, but if someone wants to give their opinion I will gladly invite you in for a few laughs and offer you dessert (the trifle is divine by the way).

Elegantly Expressed Wedding Decor

Hello my friends! (Does that make me sound like John McCain?)

I have officially gone off the deep end. I recently purchased a wedding decoration business on a whim. Yes, it really was an impulse buy. Poor Alexander, he usually needs a couple of months to agree to spend this much money, and I only gave him 24 hours.

Anyway, this means I have purchased an entire stock of decorating supplies: roman pillars, arches, fountains, hundreds of flowers, tablecloths, chair covers, centerpieces, and much much more. It is so exciting and so crazy at the same time. In the last three weeks since getting into this I have spent 8 or 9 hours a day working steadily on getting everything in order. There is so much to do! This is what I've done so far: take inventory, organize everything so I can find it again quickly, create a website (much harder than it sounds), create business cards, scout out competition, get a business license, get a tax ID number, and the list goes on.

Today I overcame the hardest of all those challenges when my website went online. It is not perfect. All the pictures on it are from the woman who owned the business before me. I haven't had time to set up and take pictures yet, but it will happen.

A new challenge is now open before me: Marketing. The first step to this is to tell my friends, so here I am, telling you. Hopefully this will result in you telling your friends and me eventually getting some business. :)

My website is www.elegantlyexpressedwedding.com

Please check it out and pass on the word!

The Chat Queen

Since quitting my job, I have accidentally dropped out of society. I didn't realize how much I crave talking to other women until I stopped going to work and chatting with Al for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. I liked it best how Marjorie Hinckley put it, "Women need other women". It's true though, we love our husbands but sometimes just need to talk to someone that can keep up with us and our rapidly changing thoughts. Only another woman can truly appreciate and participate in that kind of a conversation.

So today, I randomly decided to attend the book club for our relief society (you know, one of those enrichment groups). I picked up the book at the library at 3:30 today and read enough of it to be able to participate a little. At 7:00 I showed up at a door I had never been to before and tried to feel like I belonged. The funny thing is, I did belong. In fact, I became a little too comfortable and the other 6 women in attendance became privy to my views on: 1)women in Afghanistan 2)the Holocaust 3)the current presidential race 4)German in-laws and anything else that spurted from my lips. I couldn't make the waterfall of words stop! I just kept talking and talking, like I was the expert everyone wanted to listen to!

And then, as we were all leaving, I began talking to the woman who had hosted the book club and whom I have a great amount of respect for (she has always been super nice to me). Gradually we walked away from the open door and sat on the couch and talked for 2 more hours! She just let me keep talking about everything and I had so much fun!

Thinking about it afterwards, I cannot help but feel a bit embarrassed for having talked so much. I frequently find myself in this situation, thinking that I drove the person I was talking to nuts and that they will now try to keep their distance from me.

More and more I am finding evidence of what my mother fondly calls my "adult ADHD". Doing everything with a slightly unnerving amount of energy and overwhelming those who are near enough to be affected or are accidentally caught up in my tornado of words, like those of you reading this blog. Poor people, If I were you, I would run very quickly in the opposite direction so you don't get sucked up. ;)

Christmas 2007

These are just some of my favorite memories from this Christmas.

Our Tree Christmas Morning:


The View From My Kitchen Window:


Alexander Playing with his New Legos:


My Family Singing Christmas Carols:


And Finally, My Husband and Brother Wearing Their New Matching Shirts:

A Random Diversion

you are lightskyblue #87CEFA

Your dominant hues are cyan and blue. You like people and enjoy making friends. You're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. You are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect. Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

My Last Day of Work at UVSC

Twas my last day of work and all through my desk,
I was packing and rummaging and sorting the mess.

My files were all empty, the binders all full,
And I couldn’t help feeling a calm, peaceful lull.

My coworkers were settled with a larger work load,
And I was anxious to leave, lest their glares grow too cold.

With the stress almost off me and life bright ahead,
I knew I would sleep easier when I laid down for bed.

When from the back office their arose such a clatter
I sunk down in my chair, knowing I was the matter.

Out from the back office they flew like a flash,
Susan, and Karen, and Connie all dashed.

The look on their faces were sure to afright,
As I sat and I tried to look sorta contrite.

When what to my terrified eyes should appear,
But a meeting agenda and three hideous sneers.

With the entrance of three others in new power suits,
I knew in a moment my near victory was mute.

More evil than devils they sat in their chairs,
And they covered my figure with critical stares.

“Now onto the fighting and manipulative war!
We each have to win and we’re each taking score!

We came to attack you before you can flee,
(We had to come early, as you’re leaving at three).”

I had flinched when they shouted and swore in my head,
But I put on my game face and nodded instead.

Throughout the whole meeting the whippings ensued,
And I nearly screamed in frustration before it subdued.

Two hours later and painfully tired,
The devils all left and I officially retired.

But before I got far I was heard to exclaim,
“Goodbye all you suckers!” (And I fled with no shame).

A Step Into the Darkness

I am a chicken.

I quit my job on Friday. I sent my boss an email putting in my two weeks notice and now I am terrified to go to work in the morning. I have no idea how my boss will react and I am afraid of how my coworkers will treat me the next few weeks. My only ally has gone and so I am left alone to face the wolves.

I am also terrified about the future. I always have a difficult time with transition and major change. I don't like not knowing the next step in my journey. I have always been afraid of the dark, and this has required me to step out of my comfortable light into uncertainty.

I don't know where I am going, but I think I will be spending most of the next few weeks in meditation, trying to decide the direction of my next step.

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be solid ground to stand on or you will be taught to fly."

Author Unknown