Late Night Confessions

I am perfectly evil....and I think I'm okay with it. For some really selfish, absolutely sinful reason, I love to make other people think I am amazing. Okay, so it's sounds really bad when I say it (or write it) out loud, but inside my head it doesn't seem so bad.

I got a new calling on Sunday, Enrichment Leader. This was the calling I had right before I got married, and I always felt guilty that I didn't have the time to do more with it. I have now learned a valuable lesson: DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT MAGNIFYING YOUR CALLING OR ELSE YOU WILL BE CALLED TO IT AGAIN. Yup, so I get a second chance to be better, or something like that.

The problem with this calling is that as I said before, I have to trick everyone around into thinking I'm amazing. Some of my close friends, and my husband of course, know that I am in no way amazing, but my ward is easily fooled. This means that in the year I have lived here I have already set a precedence of 1) gourmet desserts; 2) a vast knowledge of history/politics/world events; 3) being able to make people laugh etc. The problems with people thinking these things are 1) 95% of the time I hate dessert and only make it for the Relief Society; 2) I learned everything I know from my brilliant husband and I just occasionally dip into his wealth of knowledge so people think I'm smart too; 3) I really am not funny and I talk too much.

Tonight was my first enrichment activity and I had to look like I was cool, so I made two desserts, a chocolate trifle and cream puffs and then I proceeded to try and make the people around me laugh while giving a presentation on how to do different kinds of makeup (I am NOT an expert on makeup). Needless to say, by the end of the night I was plum tuckered out.

Now the armature psychologist inside of me needs to pose some questions: Why must I try to be everything to everyone? Do I have a previously undetected self-esteem problem? Do I really have to try and be better than everyone else? The side of me that claims to have no problems won't answer any of the psychologist's questions which only makes my inner psychologist wonder if I am schizophrenic, but that's for another day. For now I don't know what my deal is, but if someone wants to give their opinion I will gladly invite you in for a few laughs and offer you dessert (the trifle is divine by the way).