Random Ramblings

Today I am sooo tired! I just want to crawl back into bed and cuddle with my sweet husband. There's no real reason for the tiredness, a sure sign I am getting old.
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Last night I went to a viewing of my Grandma's sister. It reminded me all over again why I avoid my father's side of the family. Oh, and as a side-note, I am so sick of my younger cousin being the favorite simply because she was stupid enough to get pregnant at 19 and has a little baby. While attempting to speak with my grandparents, my grandma ignored me and began to tell the woman next to her about her granddaughter who just had a baby. Ugh!
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I am in charge of the Elders Quorum activity (one of those wifely-support callings). I decided we will have a Halloween Carnival. I am in the process of trying to make it sound really fun so my family will help me... I am so pathetic...lol. However, the carnival should be fun, complete with cake walk, bean-bag toss, homemade skee ball, and anything else I can think of.
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Last Friday I had my performance review with my boss. She said that when I first applied for the job and came in for the interview the thing that stuck out most about me was how gracious I was. She said that I have an eloquence and grace that will allow me to conquer the world. I was astonished.
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One of my managers just gave me a white cheddar cheese puff to try. It was delicious! Yesterday he had us try little treats made of sesame seeds and honey. He just moved into the office across from me and I think I am beginning to like the arrangement. :)
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I am having a hard time with friends who can't hang out with me because they have homework. I have a couple of friends who went back to college after I had already graduated and I just can't get a handle on that. I feel like we should all be in the same place. However, this will probably never be the case. Eventually they will be done with homework, but I will be in Grad school and have my own homework. This is a bad cycle. Who needs homework anyway?
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I am wearing a scarf today, my first for the Fall/Winter 2009 season. It makes me feel trendy. :) To top that off, I also wore my new, white, wool coat to work. Pure Happiness! :)

Cast Away

As you may or may not know, on Monday I got my cast taken off (hallelujah!). The doctor was pleased with the progress and warned me to not do anything stupid or clumsy. He obviously doesn't know me very well.

The doctor had stitched it up using traditional thread, rather than dissolving stitches to reduce the scarring. I am embarrassed to say, that when the doctor pulled them out, it hurt more than a little bit and I honestly nearly fainted right there. The doctor was talking to me about what I was supposed to do and then he suddenly stopped and ask me if I was all right. I really wasn't, so he made me lie down, jokingly telling me that it was bad for business to have patients fainting in the waiting room.

After regaining some dignity, I left. Later that night, once the pain had gone down a little bit, we took off the wrap to see how it looked. Honestly, I don't know what to say other than it was disgusting. We decided to take a picture so that all of you who missed out would still get to see. However, most of the pictures are too graphic, so I will just show one from a different angle. I had bled a lot and my foot was dyed kinda red and the skin was majorly dry. You can also see where the doc wrote "yes" on my foot to reassure himself he was cutting the correct one.



Here is a better image after we soaked and bathed it, not nearly so disgusting.



For now, I have to keep my ankle wrapped up and protected. It is still swollen, so my normal shoes don't fit. Luckily I have a very fashionable (so sarcastic) surgical shoe to wear until I can force my foot in a shoe. My recovery is going well, I just have to continue being careful with how far I push myself and hopefully I will be good as new soon.

And finally, here is a pic of me on Alexander's birthday, 2 days after surgery.

Some Animal Magnetism

Yesterday my darling, sweet husband indulged me and took me to the zoo to see the baby animals. I had been begging for weeks, but he had been reluctant due to my being a cripple. I convinced him that we could rent a motorized wheelchair and he consented. So, bright and early, (11:00am) we headed up to the zoo. The weather was perfect, warm with a light breeze. I was VERY excited. I refused the crutches knowing that it wouldn't be a far walk to the fancy wheelchair and hobbled up to the ticket window. After purchasing our tickets we sidled over to the bored teenager working the wheelchair place.

Bored Teenage Boy: "Uh... we don't have any... I think... Yeah, uh, you can get the regular one and maybe like trade it in later if one shows up and just pay the difference."
Alexander: "Oh, will they let us do that?"
Bored Teenage Boy: "Actually, I don't really know."
Alexander: "I see. Well, I guess we will just take what you have then."

He was my hero! He was willing to brave the hills and the trails pushing me up and down just because he loved me! I need to write a ballad of that feat.

We saw the three baby tigers, the snow leopard cub, the baby giraffe, and the baby elephant (plus all the regular sized animals). They were so adorable!

Here are some of our favorite pictures:


He was close enough to touch!


BABY SNOW LEOPARD!! :)


I am in love with the Red Pandas!


Hey, I'm just chillin'!


Hey Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!


Boy this skin is itchy!


Love these mud baths!


Peek-a-boo!


Surprise, it's wet!


Umm...Help? This guy was a hoot!

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

Fortunately, it was Friday.

Unfortunately, I still had to go to work.

Fortunately, it didn't take me long to get ready.

Unfortunately, even though I had slept through the night, I was still exhausted.

Fortunately, I was able to lie down for a few minutes after getting ready.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep for 20 minutes.

Fortunately, I was able to walk down the stairs by myself.

Unfortunately, I didn't actually walk down the stairs by myself. I fell down half of the stairs and Alexander had to help me the rest of the way.

Fortunately, I didn't break anything or cry (out loud).

Unfortunately, it just convinced me that I really should have stayed in bed this morning. Some mornings are not meant to be spent out of bed.

Fortunately, my boss has been very nice about me being late this week (which has been nearly every day).

Unfortunately, I was already nearly an hour late for work.

Fortunately, I finally got to work and found no emails or phone calls waiting for me (it was a miracle!).

Unfortunately, I am at work.


Here's to hoping the weekend doesn't suck!

The Consequence of Being Stubborn

My husband has reminded me that I haven't actually taken the time to explain to everyone my current physical condition. I tried to explain that I did updated my status on Facebook, a lot, but he says Facebook doesn't count.

About a year ago (June 2008) I severely sprained my ankle running down my stairs (yay me!) and a week later jaunted off to England to promptly ruin it. After two weeks of walking on the hugely swollen appendage I essentially closed all possibilities of ever healing properly.

Fast forward a year to June 2009 when I decided enough was enough. I took myself to the orthopedic doctor and set out to correct my problems. He fussed about my flat feet, my swollen ankle, took x-rays, gave me a cortisone shot (so painful!) and orthopedic inserts and we waited. The ankle got worse.

Two weeks ago I got an MRI to see how bad the damage really was. On Monday, Aug 17, I went in to the doctor to discuss the results and they weren't very pretty. I had torn my anterior ligament and a cyst had formed. I also had a bone spur in an inconvenient location. He recommended immediate surgery. So on Wednesday, Aug 19, I went in early in the morning to get everything fixed.

Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck and my poor, sweet husband almost made me cry as they wheeled me to the operating room. It wasn't really a big deal, but it felt like it was. I woke up an hour later as they were wrapping my foot up in a very warm cast. I remember thinking how nice the anesthesiologist was as he acknowledged my awakening.

Turns out the damage was even worse than they had expected. The ligament was torn almost all the way through and was only being held together by a few "threads". Had we waited much longer I would have inevitability tripped doing something stupid and it would have torn completely apart. That would have been much worse.

I was kept in recovery for awhile as they tried to keep my breathing up. This was actually a valid concern as my body didn't feel the need to breath and my oxygen levels kept dropping. They finally released me to go home a few hours later.

I am doing much better now. I am able to get up and move around provided I have the support of crutches. I also was blessed to be able to borrow a wheelchair for those places where a lot of walking is necessary. I am still exhausted and sore but thankful to be off of the percocet which made me very ill. I have to keep the cast on for four more weeks and get it off on Sept 21. At that time I will finally be able to see if I have a cool scar.

Let this be a lesson to all of you who think that things will always heal themselves and that doctors are quacks. :)

Blue Tinted Glasses

Today I am sad. Maybe it's because my emotional well-being has been spliced together with the pain of my ankle. I'm not really sure. I would blame the pain meds, but I stopped taking them (my doctor is not pleased with this decision). I guess I just feel a bit like a loser.

I have always had a very high sense of self-worth. Usually this is a healthy thing, although I am sure that it has also allowed me to justify when I don't quite measure up on every scale. I have always felt like a very capable individual with lots of talent and potential. However, very rarely, I sometimes feel like a big failure, like all the potential I had was wasted and thrown out the window with the dishwater. This is how I am feeling today.

I started thinking about all the things I have succeeded at and then how I was able to screw each one up horrendously. Like, for example, today we had a salsa competition at work. Not really a big deal, more like a game than anything. However, I really needed a win in my court. I tried to create something unique, something that my co-workers wouldn't be able to deny voting for. The result was strawberry salsa and it wasn't half bad. People even seemed to like it. However, the same guy that won last year won again this year. Typical. Not a big deal, and yet...

I used to be a co-host on a game themed podcast. I loved it! I was awesome and funny and the listeners liked me. And then I got in a rather serious disagreement with the director. I was hurt, offended, and belittled. I couldn't think of ever returning to do the show with him, so I quit. That was a month ago. Today all I can think about is how much I loved what I did and how fun it was. I miss it. Missing things makes me cry.

A couple of weeks ago I attended a luncheon at a conference my work was holding for master trainers. I couldn't help but notice the conference planner scurrying around, making sure everything was ready and perfect. I used to be the one planning conferences and scurrying around. I also left that job of my own volition. Granted, I had a good reason, but I was reminded by how much I truly enjoyed being in charge of everything for a "live event". My current job has me still planning events, but they are nation-wide trainings and I never get to be on-site. So I miss being a conference planner too.

Today I am even sad for things I have never had as an adult like a backyard, children, a puppy, a pussy-willow kitten face kitten, and a master's degree.

I hope you understand that this is not my usual state of being, that I am not always down and depressed. However, writing is cathartic for me and so it seems that when my emotions differ from my usual sunshine outlook I need to write them down. Because this blog is my space to do that you may see more of the sadness than the sunshine.

Tomorrow I will probably be back to "normal" and the foolish tears will be gone but for now I am sad and I guess that's okay.

Things That Make Me Happy :)

Summer thunderstorms - the smell of the clean air, the anticipation of the next crack of thunder, the calming rhythm of the rain.

My husband's smile when I walk in the door after a long day of work - he is adorable and I love him!

Pussywillow Kitten Face - the name I gave the sweetest little kitten that lives on my parent's back porch.

Swimming in solitude - nothing can compare to being encased in glorious water while enjoying the company of only your closest family.

Singing at my fullest capacity, sailing over the high notes without effort.

Tomatoes and cucumbers, together with salt..yummy!

Weekends where I don't have to work (unfortunately, they are few and far between).

Completing a wedding and knowing it was exactly what the bride and groom wanted.

Traveling - going anywhere and doing anything. Road trips are simply awesome with my husband. We have the best time!

My incredible bed, especially after the traveling. Nothing says welcome home like the cool, clean sheets of my intelli-gel bed. It was well worth what we paid for it.