Abigail's First 2 Weeks at Home

We've had Abigail for two weeks now, and in those two weeks we have had a lot of fun! What follows is more or a less a photo dump showing all the fun adventures we have had so far. I hope you don't mind all the pictures.

First meal at home:

Just chilling at home, giving Abigail the tour of the place:

Breaking in the new bed:

Sitting with Grandma displaying the new blanket she crocheted:

First Sunday, August 10: We didn't tell anyone in church that we had adopted. When we showed up, the entire room buzzed with little whispers and lots of stares. It was sort of fun! Everyone was so excited for us, it made us feel very loved! Needless to say, Abigail sort of stole the limelight that day. 

Seriously, isn't she the cutest?!

Sunday afternoon I decided to get in some playtime and have a little photo-shoot with Abi girl. She was a very willing model and was a natural in front of the camera. I took probably 100 pictures, but here are my favorites:

On Monday, August 11, I took my mom and Abigail on their very first visit to the Kansas City Zoo. It was the perfect day to go as the weather wasn't very hot and not many people were there. Mom enjoyed the penguin exhibit and we had a surprisingly delightful lunch at the new tuxedo grill there. We had a slightly unsettling experience with the tiger who was a bit too interested in our little Abi. He was acting very chill as he laid on his rock, but his eyes were glued to her. Every single sound she made produced a twitch of his ears and his intense gaze never left. I love the tigers, but to be honest, this was the first time I was eager be on our way. 

This picture really doesn't do justice to his stare:

Here Abigail is modeling some of the adorable clothes my mom bought for her. I simply love the little giraffe family on her shirt!

We also received a large package from Peter and DeeAn which consisted of 55 items of clothes, blankets, etc. Abigail will certainly be one well-dressed baby! Here she is seen modeling my personal favorite items of the lot, the damask pajamas and blanket. :)

Peter complains that she is always asleep in her pictures, so I tried to capture one with her eyes open, which generally only happens when she is eating. :)

Our friend Heidi gave us this adorable little dress just in time for Abigail to wear it on her second Sunday at church. Isn't the purple tulle adorable?!

Alas, Relief Society was just a tad boring for Abi, as she just couldn't keep her eyes open. You can get away with that when you are 2 weeks old, but not when you are 31... ;)

Here is another cute awake picture taken Wednesday, August 20. When she is eating she will stare at me the entire time. I guess it would be creepy if she wasn't so cute!

Abigail is a great sleeper during the daytime, easily sleeping 4-5 hours at a time. Once night hits, however, she is ready to party. At 4:30 this morning she was ready to rock and roll so I decided to lay her next to Godiva who had taken refuge on the bed next to a slumbering Alexander. Abi was quite taken with Godiva and kept reaching to pet her fur. Godiva looks less than thrilled. I think she is upset that we forced her to be in a photo with "her replacement". 

Abigail's Story

Most of my life I have assumed that my first child would be a girl. When I was little, it made sense: I was the oldest and I was a girl, and my own family would be just like the one I came from. Somehow, I never really dropped the idea of having a girl first, even though I realize boys could be the oldest child too (i.e. Alexander, who is both the oldest and a boy).

It was Monday, Aug 4, at 3:09 pm, when I got the phone call. I was driving to pick up Alexander, who had been sent home early from work as the phones weren't very busy. Our case worker, Paul, was calling to inform us that there was a half Caucasian, half African-American baby girl who had been born the night before and if we would be interested in having him present our profile to the birth mother. We emphatically said yes. That's when the prayers started in earnest. At 4:22 pm, Paul called us back to tell us that the birth mother had chosen us. We were ecstatic and overwhelmed with emotions! After a long, sobering conversation with our attorney detailing the risks involved, we started to accept how this would affect our lives. Around 9:00 that evening, Paul called us again letting us know that the birth mother wanted to meet with us the next morning at 9:00 am in the hospital. Again, we were thrilled and terrified. I prayed over and over that I would know what to say, how to act, and what flowers to take. We were worried that we wouldn't be able to sleep after all the excitement, but we received a tender mercy and both slept well through the night.

Tuesday morning, we ran to the store that has the best flowers hoping to find something simple but lovely to give to the birth mother. Upon looking at the arrangements, I began to despair as they were all out of my price range. However, one of the last arrangements on the shelf was a happy, little arrangement of daisies and carnations placed in a squat, blue mason jar. It was perfect and it was in my price range! It felt like a tiny little miracle and a good omen for the day! We drove up to Truman Medical Center and waited while Paul talked to the mother. We were so nervous! We sat there for a half hour, envisioning all the worst scenarios until Paul finally came back to get us.

Meeting Chrystal, the birth mother, was one of the sweetest moments of my life. We were both in tears as we talked about the love she has for this beautiful little baby, whom she had named Destiny. We had a swell in emotions when we learned that Chrystal was not LDS and had simply picked this agency from a list of possible choices, feeling this was the right place to call. Unbeknownst to us, due to our rather late completion of our homestudy, we were the only couple in Missouri with LDSFS registered and ready to adopt. It was a confirmation that maybe this was meant to be and this sweet little girl belonged in our family.

Holding her for the first time:

After that, we had the fun adventure of shopping for a car seat and stroller and drooling over adorable baby clothes while we waited for word on the status of our custody hearing.

Wednesday was filled with stress over the potential birth father and whether or not we could get a signature terminating his parental rights (which never happened). Our case worker, Paul, called us and told us that it would be a good day to go visit the baby in her interim foster home. I was really nervous, but I made the appointment and then we raced up to see her after Alexander got off work. It was quite the drive to eastern Independence, but when we were almost there, Paul called us again and told us that Chrystal had just been to see the baby and was having second thoughts. We were then given the option to proceed with the visit or to cancel. As we had all along, we felt comfort and decided to continue as planned. Upon arriving, we got to see the sweet baby and cuddle her for about 15 minutes before we were on our way again. She was so sweet and tiny!

Late Wednesday night, about 1:00am, my mom arrived. It was a miracle she could even be there due to her recent surgery and last minute flight plans. She bought her ticket 24 hours in advance for the same price I would pay if I bought it several months in advance. I felt like this was a huge miracle and I was so grateful for her presence in this stressful and emotional time.

Thursday was filled with last minute wedding stuff and final prepping for the baby. We were told that we needed to have the baby's name by 9:00am Friday morning so that it could go on the legal documents. The result was what we are calling "the great compromise of 2014". At one point, our discussion got so intense we had to be in separate rooms, discussing it over Facebook chat. Finally, at 8:30am, we agreed on a name we both felt good about and we decided on Abigail Ellen Strub.

Friday morning mom and I went on a final shopping trip to find a few outfits that she could wear home and that she would wear to have her picture taken. We were lucky to find exactly what we were looking for before we rushed home for a quick, 10 minute change and then rushed downtown to pick up Alexander. What followed was the longest hour of my life. We arrived at the courthouse to the news of our attorney telling us that one of the birth fathers wanted a paternity test and that it might stir the pot. We acknowledged the risk and then proceeded to fill out several legal documents while we twiddled our thumbs and waited for our names to be called. We ended up being the last case of the day and we watched the room empty as our stomachs churned. Finally, they called in Chrystal to terminate her parental rights. About 5 minutes later, she came out in tears. As we passed her to go into the courtroom, I spontaneously gave her a hug and thanked her and we both cried. After answering Yes to about a thousand questions, we came out 10 minutes later with legal guardianship of this precious child and instructions to "go pick up your baby", which we did.

Waiting to go into court. Our last "just the two of us photo":

At the interim foster home, I changed her diaper and her clothes for the first time and then we loaded her up in the car seat and took her to Paul's office so Chrystal could say goodbye and we could determine how we would like to stay in contact, as this is an open adoption. After a few pictures and promises, we were finally able to take little Abigail home. Honestly, the first few days were a bit surreal and I felt more like a babysitter than I did a mom. However, that has since changed. :)

Our first "official" family picture:

Chrystal, us, and my mom:

Driving home:

Arriving home: 

We feel so blessed to be privy to all these special miracles to bring this special child into our home and we are still amazed that we are finally parents. We have been humbled and profoundly grateful to all our family and friends who have helped us welcome her home and have cried with us and prayed for us. We feel we could never repay everyone for all they have done for us in the past few weeks.

The Best Memories From our AZ & UT Trip

Thursday, 5/29/14

• The gorgeous clouds as we flew out of Kansas City 

• Arriving in Phoenix and spending time with Alexander's grandmother and parents. On the way home we survived the scariest ride home as his dad and stepmom raced against each other in their fancy cars.

Friday, 5/30/14

• Finding a decent tex-mex restaurant with really good salsa and warm, homemade chips. Yum!
• Watching the Strub men read baby Jacob a bedtime story.

Saturday, 5/31/14

• Attending "My Fair Lady" a semi-staged production that was a collaboration of the Phoenix symphony and theater company. The music was beautiful!
• Eating aesthetically pleasing (and decidedly yummy) frozen yogurt at 10:30pm, after the show. I think I had Tropical Mango, Pomegranate Berry, and Strawberry Banana
  
  

Sunday, 6/1/14

• Meeting up with old friends for an afternoon chat and eating homemade Korean food. 

Monday 6/2/14

• Sitting with my dad in the waiting room while Mom was in surgery and being able to hear the doctor say that everything went really well.
• Chatting with all of Mom's visitors in her room, including my cute nieces, seen here below with my dad. 

Tuesday, 6/3/14

• Taking some Rocky Mtn Chocolate Factory chocolate over to my mom in the hospital
• Visiting for a long time with the woman (owner?) of Zion's Mercantile in the Riverwoods as we chatted about Nauvoo, Jackson County, and the gathering of Israel. 
• Going over to my best friend's house and spending time with her awesome family.

Wednesday, 6/4/14

• Picking out super cute things to craft at Wood Connections with my bestie and then being so excited, I practically begged her to let me come over and start painting them right that minute.

Thursday, 6/5/14

• Taking my sweet husband to an IMAX movie he's been waiting to see for months. It was about Jerusalem and is only showing in a few theaters. He was thrilled to be able to go and I love when I can do things to make him happy.
• Alexander only has 1 pair of everyday shoes, it took us years to find a pair that fit right and he has been wearing the same model of shoes for years. His current pair is nearly 2 years old and nearing the end. We found his shoes at the Sketchers outlet and because of a BOGO half off deal, I got a new pair of super comfy shoes too!
• All the Barney girls, (except Nat) including our awesome SILs, went out to Cafe Rio and then to a fun movie while the boys played Wii games at Bryce's house.

Friday, 6/6/14

• Spending the whole day with my super sweet nieces.
• Painting the fingernails of my niece,  my sister, and my mom 
• Being able to spend some quality time with my high school girlfriends while crafting some super cute home decor items and catching up. 

Saturday, 6/7/14

• Spending most of the day chilling with my awesome parents and feasting on Little Caesar's pizza, cause that's how we roll.  

Sunday 6/8/14

• The whole Barney clan gathered together at Mom and Dad's for one of our famous BBQ's. We ate very well and then proceeded to play exciting games such as Mexican Train and Girl Talk. Yes, my SILs learned a lot of new secrets about me from that game...
• Taking selfies with my sister, Mely, and niece, Hallie.

Monday 6/9/14

• The early morning, 4am chat with my dad as he drove us to the airport when he should have been sleeping in bed
• The airport employee in Terminal 1 who told us that if we went to Terminal 2, there would be no line, thereby saving us from possibly missing our flight. Bless that man! His advice saved us from a 30 min wait to get through security to a 3 minute breeze. 

End of School Year Assessment

Every once in awhile it's important to take a step back and review where you stand, acknowledging your accomplishments and taking inventory of where you need to work harder. It's so interesting to think back to a year ago and compare where you are today to where you were then. In the past, there have been some times when I felt as if I were stuck in a rut and not moving in any direction, which is kind of a depressing feeling. This year, however, I can see a significant improvement in my life. :) Let me draw you a graph of how I feel about my accomplishments in life compared to previous years:

This chart illustrates my personal growth in some of the major areas of my life. (Please note that this chart represents how I feel I am doing and does not represent any actual numbers or data. This may or may not be because it's currently 11:23pm and I have to get up at 5:15am for seminary.)

Education: In May of 2013, Alexander's mentor professor suggested I apply for the MBA program and after considering it for a few weeks I decided to go for it. I picked up a study book at Barnes and Noble and started studying. I took the test 4 weeks later and was totally shocked when I passed and was then accepted into the program at UMKC. This week marks the completion of my first year of my master's program and the halfway mark!! Woohoo!!

Job Satisfaction: In May of 2012, I was working in what might have been a decent job if the company had ever decided to actually hire me. Instead they kept me as a sort of long term temp. I was even managing other temp workers and they couldn't find it in their hearts to give me a real job! It was ridiculous. I was getting increasingly frustrated. Fast forward to May of 2013, when I was unemployed because the previously mentioned employer had closed my department and refused to give me a job in another department because, quote "it just doesn't seem like your heart is in this job". THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T VALUE ME ENOUGH TO PAY ME A FULL SALARY AND GIVE ME BENEFITS EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN KEEPING THIS ENTIRE DEPARTMENT RUNNING! Suffice it to say, I wasn't sad to have left though I wasn't making much progress in the work department either.

In March of 2013, after finding myself without a job, I decided to reopen my wedding business in KC. As of May, there hadn't been too much progress.

Currently, in May of 2014, I have several KC weddings under my belt and have added a new skill-set to my repertoire: floral design. I get new inquiries and consultations every week and if this trend continues this may be a record-breaking year as far as profits are concerned.

Family (Progress Toward Growth): This has everything to do with adding to our little family, rather than my relationship with my husband (though we've never been better). In 2012, we started the process of looking into getting our homestudy completed. We didn't get very far. Toward the end of 2013, we finally succeeded in getting certified and we are now looking for opportunities to add children to our family. I feel we are finally making some progress, slow though it might be.

Scripture Study: I have often found it difficult to keep up with my scripture study. However, thanks to my calling as Seminary teacher, I've been forced to spend a bit more time with the Book of Mormon. My understanding of the gospel has grown tenfold this past year because of the hours I've spent devoted to seminary.

Church Service: Continuing along the Seminary line of thought, this has to do with my church calling. In May of 2012, I was serving as the 2nd Counselor in the Young Women Presidency, which I loved. It kept me busy serving with women and girls that I loved. In May of 2013, I was serving as the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency, which I also loved. The women I served with are amazing and I learned so much from each of them. Both of those callings were time intensive and very active. However, they don't hold a candle to my service as a Seminary teacher. Instead of 4 hours a week on church calling assignments, I am spending closer to 12 hours each week, which takes up a significant amount of time, and is especially difficult with the early morning hours. Don't get me wrong though, I love my calling and I love the kids I work with. I also really love how it forces me to start each day on a spiritual high. :)

In summary, you can see that I'm doing pretty okay in the areas mentioned above. Areas that could use a little more attention may include: cleaning my house, doing yard work, planting a garden, doing my hair, visiting teaching, and member missionary service (though I did go with the sister missionaries on a church tour, which was awesome). I won't draw a chart for these items because it would be somewhat depressing, (but know that goals are being set) besides I prefer to focus on the good things. :)

I would love to hear the areas where you feel you are improving your life! Feel free to share in the comments or to respond with a blog post on this topic on your own blog. :)

Mother's Day Emotions

It has been a really long time since I've posted! Life is so busy and so crazy that sometimes I feel like I don't have the time I need to really process all the wonderful things that are happening every day. And wonderful things are happening, though often the stressful, hard things overshadow the good.

WARNING: What follows is a subject that I rarely talk about in public and I'm still not sure I want to post this...

This weekend is Mother's Day. I truly love Mother's Day because I feel that I personally have the best mother in the entire world. She is my best friend and my biggest supporter and I know that her prayers and thoughts are with me everywhere I go. She is the best example of selfless service and constant love and the homesickness I sometimes feel has a lot to do with her presence in that home. In my mind, Mother's Day is a time to celebrate MY mom and how wonderful I think she is. I love excuses to sing her praises! :)

However, sometimes Mother's Day is a reminder of what I am not. I am not a mother in the most literal sense and there is no bigger reminder of that than Mother's Day. I would like to say that I'm always happy and content and that I don't have anything tearing at my heartstrings, however, it's not always true. Honestly, most of the time I'm really good. Really, like 95% of the time. But sometimes I'm not. I've been thinking a lot about it lately and my thoughts trailed back to a "what might have been moment" that would have led to 2014 being my first official Mother's Day as a mother.

This past fall we finally finished all the paperwork to get our homestudy completed and be certified to adopt. Our profile is listed on LDS Family Services and we are hopeful that if we remain faithful we will be blessed to find the child who belongs in our home. Several months ago we had a really upsetting occurrence where we were about 80% certain we would be bringing home a 12 month old little girl. She had blue eyes, blond hair and her name is the same as the top name on our "list" (you know, the one with all the baby names you like).

We felt that this sweet girl would fit perfectly into our family and was meant for us. She had come from a foster home where she wasn't given the love or attention she deserved and we ached to provide a happy, loving home for her. We even had the mother's attorney on our side and really thought we had it in the bag. However, we learned a very real lesson about each person's individual agency. I have no doubt that we could have provided a wonderful home with the gospel and an abundance of love for this precious child. However, her mother still had her agency and in the end it came down to her personal choice.  For the record, she chose a single, lesbian woman because "she had horses". I was infuriated, frustrated and really hurt. It took me a little bit of time to get over this particular incident.

In addition to a new understanding of the terms 'agency' and 'meant to be', I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my husband as well as my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Alexander and I pleaded in prayer several nights for this little girl to come home to the little bedroom waiting for her here. I learned that you can grieve for things you never had and that it still hurts. I've never experienced a miscarriage, but I imagine it may be a similar feeling. For several weeks you get excited, prepared and adjusted to the idea of parenthood. You already love the little being coming to your family and then suddenly they are gone and there is nothing you can do about it and you feel sick and empty inside. At least, that's how I felt. I felt like it was a pretty cruel joke to play on someone who has been waiting 7 years for a child.

I know that most couples who are trying to adopt will have similar (and often harder) stories than ours and that our trials are not unique to us. However, it is sometimes hard when you think she could have been here, in the little yellow bedroom with white flowery curtains, and that this year I could have deserved the card my sweet husband has always given me on Mother's Day regardless of my childless status.

Through it all, I have found that the Lord did not withhold his comforting presence from us and we were blessed in several aspects of our lives. He has promised us a family and I know he will fulfill that promise and that knowledge gives me hope. In the meantime, please know that we are not wallowing in self-pity or depression. We are living up every single moment of our lives. We take full advantage of not needing a babysitter to go out late at night, staying up super late and sleeping in even later, and going on spontaneous adventures to places that are not child-friendly. I have been able to open my wedding business again and work on a life goal of getting my Masters degree (halfway there!!!). Don't worry parents of colicky babies, we really do appreciate our sleep and sanity, but I guess we know that when the time comes, the joy of adding children to this family will be worth the lifetime of sacrifice and effort that follows.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there. A special call-out to my own mom as well as to my sisters and sister-in-laws and my amazing friends, all of which have set wonderful examples for me to follow, please know that your efforts are not going unnoticed and are not in vain. I love and appreciate you all as well as the beautiful children you are raising. Thanks for letting me be that "fun aunt" who gives your children too much sugar and lets them play on my technology. :)

2013 Holiday Recap

Our Holiday season was nothing but parties and playing interspersed with working hard decorating lots of beautiful weddings but somewhere we found time to take a few pictures. :)

November:

My wedding business started to pick up and I scheduled several weddings for the holiday season. Alexander and I had our very first little Thanksgiving dinner with just the two of us. It was very quiet...much more so than I am used to Thanksgiving being...but it was lovely and my very first real Turkey didn't turn out so bad. :) Also, my pies were THE BEST I have EVER made! For reals, they were totally divine. I made a raspberry rhubarb pie and a real coconut custard pie (and a regular old pumpkin pie). Seriously, the best!

Our Thanksgiving Feast!

Alexander couldn't wait to dive into those pies!

It was Godiva's first invitation to Thanksgiving dinner! She really enjoyed her turkey scraps!

December was a whirlwind of finals, weddings, parties and Christmas! Nothing beats starting out the Christmas season with our annual Ugly Sweater Party! This year was no exception and we had a great turn-out. The food was good, the people were better and the white elephant gifts were hilarious!

 The Hot Cocoa Bar!

The Feast!

Kelley and Gina and their gluten-free heaven of desserts

Jeff, Alexander, Sarah and Tammy

Scott and Sarah

The Ugly Sweater Winners! Kimball and Tammy

Jeff and Gina

Kelley and Jon

We also invited my MBA class over for another Ugly Sweater Party the next week. We got a lot of the international students here and for most of them it was their first time playing the white elephant gift game. They were skeptical at first, but the competition was fierce as the night went on and it was a VERY long game. I think everyone had fun.

Christmas Eve we went over to our good friends' house with our adopted extended family, the Bennions, the Hales, and the Cunninghams, to do a live action nativity (Alexander and I were Mary and Joseph!) and eat a smorgasbord of yumminess. Christmas morning we had brunch with our awesome friends Joe and Kathy and then went over to the Cunninghams for Christmas dinner. We are completely spoiled by our amazing friends!

Christmas Eve:

Christmas Morning:

Alexander was barely awake when he got his stocking

White Chocolate Santa!

Bayeux Tapestry tie and new cozy blanket :)

Alexander's pile of goodies

Happy Girls!

Annalee's stocking was so heavy it couldn't be hung up after it was filled

Annalee's pile of goodies

Godiva inspecting her stocking

Godiva is excited to find her present under the tree!

On December 27, Alexander's parents visited us for a few days. We did some church history site-seeing, some shopping, and some gourmet cooking. We had several dinner parties as well as a very exciting and lively New Years Eve party filled with Disney karaoke, Oklahoma Joe's BBQ, and good friends.

We had such an exciting holiday season that it took us nearly all of January to recuperate! We just know that 2014 is going to be another wonderful year!