Most of my life I have assumed that my first child would be a girl. When I was little, it made sense: I was the oldest and I was a girl, and my own family would be just like the one I came from. Somehow, I never really dropped the idea of having a girl first, even though I realize boys could be the oldest child too (i.e. Alexander, who is both the oldest and a boy).
It was Monday, Aug 4, at 3:09 pm, when I got the phone call. I was driving to pick up Alexander, who had been sent home early from work as the phones weren't very busy. Our case worker, Paul, was calling to inform us that there was a half Caucasian, half African-American baby girl who had been born the night before and if we would be interested in having him present our profile to the birth mother. We emphatically said yes. That's when the prayers started in earnest. At 4:22 pm, Paul called us back to tell us that the birth mother had chosen us. We were ecstatic and overwhelmed with emotions! After a long, sobering conversation with our attorney detailing the risks involved, we started to accept how this would affect our lives. Around 9:00 that evening, Paul called us again letting us know that the birth mother wanted to meet with us the next morning at 9:00 am in the hospital. Again, we were thrilled and terrified. I prayed over and over that I would know what to say, how to act, and what flowers to take. We were worried that we wouldn't be able to sleep after all the excitement, but we received a tender mercy and both slept well through the night.
Tuesday morning, we ran to the store that has the best flowers hoping to find something simple but lovely to give to the birth mother. Upon looking at the arrangements, I began to despair as they were all out of my price range. However, one of the last arrangements on the shelf was a happy, little arrangement of daisies and carnations placed in a squat, blue mason jar. It was perfect and it was in my price range! It felt like a tiny little miracle and a good omen for the day! We drove up to Truman Medical Center and waited while Paul talked to the mother. We were so nervous! We sat there for a half hour, envisioning all the worst scenarios until Paul finally came back to get us.
Meeting Chrystal, the birth mother, was one of the sweetest moments of my life. We were both in tears as we talked about the love she has for this beautiful little baby, whom she had named Destiny. We had a swell in emotions when we learned that Chrystal was not LDS and had simply picked this agency from a list of possible choices, feeling this was the right place to call. Unbeknownst to us, due to our rather late completion of our homestudy, we were the only couple in Missouri with LDSFS registered and ready to adopt. It was a confirmation that maybe this was meant to be and this sweet little girl belonged in our family.
Holding her for the first time:
After that, we had the fun adventure of shopping for a car seat and stroller and drooling over adorable baby clothes while we waited for word on the status of our custody hearing.
Wednesday was filled with stress over the potential birth father and whether or not we could get a signature terminating his parental rights (which never happened). Our case worker, Paul, called us and told us that it would be a good day to go visit the baby in her interim foster home. I was really nervous, but I made the appointment and then we raced up to see her after Alexander got off work. It was quite the drive to eastern Independence, but when we were almost there, Paul called us again and told us that Chrystal had just been to see the baby and was having second thoughts. We were then given the option to proceed with the visit or to cancel. As we had all along, we felt comfort and decided to continue as planned. Upon arriving, we got to see the sweet baby and cuddle her for about 15 minutes before we were on our way again. She was so sweet and tiny!
Late Wednesday night, about 1:00am, my mom arrived. It was a miracle she could even be there due to her recent surgery and last minute flight plans. She bought her ticket 24 hours in advance for the same price I would pay if I bought it several months in advance. I felt like this was a huge miracle and I was so grateful for her presence in this stressful and emotional time.
Thursday was filled with last minute wedding stuff and final prepping for the baby. We were told that we needed to have the baby's name by 9:00am Friday morning so that it could go on the legal documents. The result was what we are calling "the great compromise of 2014". At one point, our discussion got so intense we had to be in separate rooms, discussing it over Facebook chat. Finally, at 8:30am, we agreed on a name we both felt good about and we decided on Abigail Ellen Strub.
Friday morning mom and I went on a final shopping trip to find a few outfits that she could wear home and that she would wear to have her picture taken. We were lucky to find exactly what we were looking for before we rushed home for a quick, 10 minute change and then rushed downtown to pick up Alexander. What followed was the longest hour of my life. We arrived at the courthouse to the news of our attorney telling us that one of the birth fathers wanted a paternity test and that it might stir the pot. We acknowledged the risk and then proceeded to fill out several legal documents while we twiddled our thumbs and waited for our names to be called. We ended up being the last case of the day and we watched the room empty as our stomachs churned. Finally, they called in Chrystal to terminate her parental rights. About 5 minutes later, she came out in tears. As we passed her to go into the courtroom, I spontaneously gave her a hug and thanked her and we both cried. After answering Yes to about a thousand questions, we came out 10 minutes later with legal guardianship of this precious child and instructions to "go pick up your baby", which we did.
Waiting to go into court. Our last "just the two of us photo":
At the interim foster home, I changed her diaper and her clothes for the first time and then we loaded her up in the car seat and took her to Paul's office so Chrystal could say goodbye and we could determine how we would like to stay in contact, as this is an open adoption. After a few pictures and promises, we were finally able to take little Abigail home. Honestly, the first few days were a bit surreal and I felt more like a babysitter than I did a mom. However, that has since changed. :)
Our first "official" family picture:
Chrystal, us, and my mom:
Driving home:
Arriving home:
We feel so blessed to be privy to all these special miracles to bring this special child into our home and we are still amazed that we are finally parents. We have been humbled and profoundly grateful to all our family and friends who have helped us welcome her home and have cried with us and prayed for us. We feel we could never repay everyone for all they have done for us in the past few weeks.
